I Didn't Know My Own Strength- R. Kelly

Performed by Whitney Houston
Written by R. Kelly

Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me
I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to,
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me
I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

Ahhh.... Summertime

Swinging...b&w play
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

I have been neglecting this space for some time and now that it is summer, I just had to share this. I just love swinging!!! And I just love this little girl!!! Little miss C, it was great to spend the day playing with you and all of the others!

We had a wonderful Fourth of July relaxing with friends that I consider my family. Eight kids, three couples and a great park by a reservoir... what more can one ask for!

I do hope your fourth was a celebration of freedom!!!

Soul Quakes... Part II

So Tori's words of honesty about how she feels the church in this age really resonated with me. I too see the very same problem that she sees, and yet I have a very different internal response to the reality of our times. Rather than stopping at the assessment, my soul yearns for a community where the "compassionate path of Christ" is truly what the people who participate are about. And to find that community, I have to be that sort of believer. I too was raised the church, so I've seen the same darkness Tori touches on. But I have also seen a light that burns deep into the core of me and I am a changed person because of the love some have offered me in the name of Christ.

It is a dicotomy that is so very hard to hold onto, but for me I choose to rest in the dicotomy that we humans are indeed capable of such darkness, but we are also quite capable of amazing acts of love and kindness as well. I do know that Tori believes that too and my voice joins her as she points out that we need to be paying attention to our own internal processes, emotions, and choices so that we are able to be an energy for light... not for darkness.

Soul Quakes...

I can't believe I haven't had much of a chance to absorb Tori's newest artistic installment, but alas, I am finally breathing long enough to let her music come into my soul. I am feeling myself very curious and drawn into many of her new songs, in a way that I have not felt for many years... maybe since From The Choir Girl Hotel...

So I was surfing her SITE tonight and came across this... in her own words:

"I'm a minister's daughter. The power of the church is insidious, and it permeates everything," Amos explained. "A lot of what the Church discusses is not about the compassionate path of Christ, it's about what kind of lifestyle is acceptable and approved of by the Church when god knows what they're doing behind closed doors. You have a lot of people waking up every morning who feel paralyzed to act because of these judgments. All around us people are not only experiencing physical bondage but emotional and mental bondage behind perfectly groomed lawns. Inside acceptable addresses the definition of bondage is perversely explored with those we know only too well."

Amen Tori Amos

June Bargains...

So I have been quite busy setting up my very own commerce site for Close To My Heart and it is finally live!!! Just in time for my friends and family to participate in some great bargains. Every day in the month of June the corporate office will be posting a daily special that will offer discounted and sometimes even free product with a purchase. The deals will only be available online, so you don't want to miss out! You will want to join me in checking the site every day for the deal of the day.

Here's my Site...
Jannean.myctmh.com

What are we doing?- My thoughts on Jon and Katie Plus 8

I'll be the first to admit that I have read the People article about the Gosselins, and I watched the show a couple of seasons ago, but we need to remember this is a family not an entertainment show. When I watched, it was mostly to make myself feel better for my own chaos and shortcomings, and that my friends is exploitation.

We now have a family that is struggling, chased by Paparazzi, and even young Americans doing video diaries of the reality of divorce. Divorce is traumatic for the children involved, are we now going to drag innocent bystanders (tv viewers) through this kind of mess?

I am so sad. So sad for Jon and Kate. So sad for those precious 8 children. So sad for their friends and family. And especially so sad about what this situation exposes for us all. This is the deep darkness that is pulling our culture down.

The things that hurt in my life, the ways in which I find myself destructive, and the dark areas that are deeply ingrained in my marriage and parenting... are the same things that a nation is gawking at in this family. I do know that this family invited the eyes of America into their lives and homes, but we have collectively taken way more than they wanted to give.

It has to stop... or at least stop being considered entertainment.

A week of catch up

This has turned out to be a week of catch up for my family, and I am grateful for the opportunity to get things back in order. I am also grateful for the morning phone call from a friend that ended with us making a park date for the kids this afternoon. Our friends are going away for a bit, so I am glad to have some time to catch up before they leave. It has been a tough time for both of our families and it will be good for the soul to play together for a bit! It is such poetic simplicity when a friend calls just when you need something to look forward to.

Moments of Clarity

A restful moment
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

Life offers us little moments of clarity. Times when we get to see a little more of our internal core. This has been a year of some important moments for me. Years like this happen. The last time I went around this block, my family had a couple of deaths, a couple of serious heart issues, cancer, and depression. All in one calendar year.

This year has not been one of those years, and I am grateful for that. This year has had it's challenges though... job loss, relational strains, injury, etc. And yet, again I am reminded that is not by my strength that I journey through this life. I am carried by one much bigger than me and I have friends and family who surround me and help me remember that truth in those dark moments.

I am so very human... and I am grateful for the precious gift of that humanity. Even in the moments of clarity.