Tuesday, May 29, 2007

They're always watching

So I was watching Oprah the other day and they had a life coach on talking about how to raise happy children. It was just one segment in a larger conversation about how to live your best life, but one comment the life coach made really resonated with me. She stated that our children will not learn to treat themselves how we treat them. They will learn to treat themselves the way we treat ourselves. It's just spot on in truth and I really connect with this truth right now, because of what I am processing in my own life and parenthood.

We all have scripts that develop deep within our psyche very early on in our lives and if we are not actively aware of our behavior; we are going to constantly respond to our world, our relationships, and ourselves in the same, familiar ways. So if I cannot find peace in myself and treat myself with the same gentle compassionate way I have grown accustomed to treat my children with...when they grow and leave me to live their lives on their own, they will treat themselves with the same harshness they saw me treat myself with. That scares me to my core. I can work so hard to pour myself into them and they might reject my messages of who I see them as, because I have not put to rest my own demons and self destructive ways.

I have to change the script that I carry around about myself. I just recently came face to face with what that script is and I knew I needed to change that for myself. I am keeping myself stuck in the past because I have not yet grieved that. But now I understand it in full context. I also need to change the script for my sweet babies. They deserve to believe they are the wonderful gifts they actually are. I deserve to believe I am a wonderful gift that I actually am.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Oh yeah...

Here is the link to the company that makes the yummy vegan cookies I was talking about yesterday

Fair Trade Coffee and Faith

Fair Trade Coffee

As I am becoming more intentional in my living and more knowledgeable on how even my basic daily practices affect the world in a ripple like effect. (did I get the effect and affect in the right order? I always get tripped up by this grammatical issue) One thing that I am very grm-ish about is how our coffee addictions are trapping the hard working, yet severely underpaid farmers in generations of poverty. As humans, I think we need to be informed about this phenomen. As a christian, I believe I need to actively be fighting against such oppression.

But here is the problem. I like my latte and I want it when I want it. So much so, that I will segregate my mind for the few luxurious minutes it takes for me to order my decaf, no sugar added, soy latte and then gulp it down. This organization that I linked has an information flyer that helps layout why we all need to aware of these issues. The coffeehouse I was at yesterday had a pile of these flyers...so I am off to educate myself. Check it out!

Power Rangers for Jesus

So I get this text message from my sister in law yesterday:

Nephew wants to make a movie called: Power Rangers for Jesus.

I just laughed my arse off! I think I will personally fund his movie if the plot line includes the Power Rangers kicking the arses of all of the fake superhero knockoffs like Bibleman.

I so love my nephew!

Thursday, May 24, 2007


A little thought I had today...
The more we open ourselves up to grace from our source, the more we are able to give grace to ourselves. When we can have much grace for ourselves, we can have much grace for the other wonderfully human people we share our lives, our homes, our workplace with.

I used to think I could live a life of grace, sharing it with others, without having to open myself up to the reality that I too need that same sort of grace. I was hoping to bypass the whole vulnerability step. Now I know that I cannot skip a step. When I think about the people I have known that I feel live a life of grace, I think of strong individuals who have wisdom and kindness for themselves and others. I have found that there are many trying to be graceful, but only a handful actually achieving a life of grace. I want to cross over from the trying to be, to the achieving in my own life, and I now know what that requires. I must open myself up to the fullness of grace and become honest about my weakness. I need to forgive myself of humanness and embrace a peace that I am exactly what I was created to be. Being able to celebrate humanness helps me enjoy everything I hold dearest to me. My husband, my children, my friends and my family.

By golly, I think I'm getting it!

coffee, play, free wireless

A momma's dream! I love this local coffeehouse for the kids playroom and free wireless. I have been haunting the place for almost two years. It has a kids playroom where I can drink my coffee and my kids can roam and play in a safe environment...how great is that? But now I have a new reason to love it. I realized that they serve free trade coffee and the new yummy vegan cookies that everyone has been raving about!!! I am so filled with happy!

Monday, May 21, 2007


Attention Stella Brown...
Please, please, please return your blockbuster movies in a timely fashion. And for the love of Barnabas please update your account information...we've had this pickin' number for almost four year. FOUR YEARS!

And while I'm at it, tell your buddy pal Maria Hightower to please attend to her financial affairs.

Thank you and good night.

"U.S. bids to stop G8 push for climate deal"

It figures


I need to parent inside my personality...

Baby J has been night waking for quite some time now. First it was because Sweet Pea was here and she was seeking mommy's attention at night. Then she got sick and she has been battling double ear infections for over two weeks now. We thought we had it licked, but then two nights ago she started night waking again. I wasn't completely making the connection that she was in pain and so I was trying to be firm in boundaries...you know, the you need to stay asleep and stay in your bed sort of thing. That devastated her and we had a total meltdown at 3 AM on Sunday morning.

The next day I was all set to just lay the smack down...I was a tired momma and we all need sleep. Luckily, it occurred to me that when I lay the smack down like this it often backfires. I don't do mean mommy well. So after a nap I was able to sit down with Baby J and tell her what was expected and David and I came up with a middle of the night game plan of keeping Sweet Pea out of harms way, while allowing me to deal with Baby J. She woke up twice in the middle of the night last night and I comforted her and she cooperated with my wishes, so she was easily comforted back to sleep. Thank God!

I called the doctor today and her double ear infections are worse. I am so thankful that my instinct was able to override my exhaustion. I always regret it when I parent outside of my instinct, but when I listen to that mommy intuition within it always helps. So now we are on round two of antibiotics and lots of yogurt... hopefully this will help her little body fight off this infection. I hate it when my babies are sick.

Friday, May 18, 2007

The end of a season

I had to have a sad conversation with my ob gyn a couple of weeks ago and I have been hesitant to share here because...well let's just say I fear judgment. But none the less it is something I have to grieve so I have decided it is okay to process that.

My doctor advised me not to seek another pregnancy at my postpartum appointment four weeks ago. I knew it was coming, for my body already gave me that message during labor with sweet pea, so I was prepared and in agreement. But I have sorrow. My sorrow does not mean I don't understand how fortunate I have been. My sorrow means that I was given the tremendous gift of four wonderful creations of grace to harbor for a time in my womb and now that season of my life is done. Three of those little ones I hold in my arms each day and one of the little ones I hold in my heart forever.

I know that many will never get to experience this gift and my sorrow is not about greed or lack of gratitude, because for years I believed I might be one whom would not be able to carry a child in my body. I see our journey into parenthood straight on and I am grateful every day, because we did nothing to deserve it, it was a gift. And now the time has passed. And because of this wonderful season I am changed forever. I do not regret the journey...not even that it is over now...but I am sad because it was good. Very good.

My prayer now is that our family will still grow. I know we are missing someone or maybe even two someones...and there is such need out there. So now we wait for the prompting to grow our family through adoption.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Tell me this sling is not totally gorgeous!!!!!!!!!

IMG_3813.JPG, originally uploaded by poetic mama.

Slings are like a fashion statement for me. Some women collect handbags... I collect slings. I traded my shoe addiction for sling addiction. So when I had to wear a formal strapless gown, I saw that as an opportunity to buy this little beauty! I love it!!! I will only wear it a few times, but I love it just the same!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Boo's Mother's Day Art

IMG_3849.JPG, originally uploaded by poetic mama.

IMG_3856.JPG, originally uploaded by poetic mama.

I especially like the part about putting him in his comfort corner!

Baby J's Mother's Day Gift

IMG_3848.JPG, originally uploaded by poetic mama.

I just saw this.

I definitely did not agree with his theology, politics, or social policy, but I feel for his family and friends at his sudden passing.

"God made me that way"

So on the way to Mother's Day Out today, (a wonderful program through the MOPS church where I can drop the kids off for the morning) Boo had this to say about life...

ds: "Mommy, I don't like cleaning up."
me: "Oh, why not?"
ds: "Because God made me that way...that's just the way God made me mommy."
me: "Alrighty then."

What else was there to say to that one. He is a clever one, me thinks.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Always looking towards the future I am...

...rarely living fully in the present.

I'm in a season of life where what I do is not nearly as important as who I am and who I am doing it with, if that makes any sense. I do not have gainful employment, where I leave my home and report to someone quite important, who in turns gives me a meager salary. I do not have a "job" where my performance gains me money, prestige, or advancement in life.

But I do work. All day, every day. And it is more about how I live, how I relate, how I communicate, how I provide; than it is about what I do with my day. That is very difficult for me. I think that I should have my next plan. Actually I really already know what I'd like to do with the next season, but the time is not now and I need to relax and focus on the task at hand.

Building a better future for me and my family.

While I am here, I'd like to explore a few new things... read some good books, write some good poetry or prose, learn some good craft, listen to some good music, etc. I want to fall in love with living simply. I want to disconnect from the fast track mentality that demands more of my soul than I'd like to give. I want to savor the naptime nursings with my dear sweet toddler, because soon they will be replaced with dance classes and girl scouts. I want to enjoy the unashamed cuddles with my older son, because soon he will beg me to walk ten paces behind him and not to embarrass him with mommy I love you's. I want to enjoy the snuggly baby in my sling, because soon he will be running away from me to explore the world.

I will live in this time. Truly live in every moment. Every day I will seek to do just that...experience life abundantly.