Sunday, February 3, 2008


I have had a couple of experiences this weekend that are really drawing my introspection towards the issue of intimacy. One of my deepest desires is to know my husband and children and to be known by them. And that takes time... quality and quantity. Dh and I actually structure our relationship and family life in such a way, that allows for the organic growth of intimacy... or at least we used to, not so long ago.

In recent months we have not been as diligent at protecting the time and space for the five of us to be together... just our own family unit. In this same time the tone of our family life has been rushed and hurried and flat. And these two realities are completely interconnected. Now that we are slowing down the train, our older kids are responding in seemingly negative ways, but at closer look I am realizing that is a good sign. Things are changing, and the are responding to change that they cannot control. We are the parents and we are setting a new tone and they shouldn't need to hide the fact that they don't like the shift.

Watching Boo's defiance was difficult for me... until I re-discovered this truth...

Intimacy is not a neat little package. It does not even always feel good. Deep intimacy happens organically, when two or more people bring all of who they are into relationship. The good, the not so good and the flat out ugly parts just make us uniquely human.

I hope that as intimacy increase, peace and tranquility will also grow in our midst.


gefilte said...

Like I said earlier... real intimacy isn't free. It takes work and (in your words) investment. And as any investor will tell you, all investment carries risk; in this case, risk that the intimacy won't be returned in kind. Even the 5-year-old knows that intrinsically.

poetic mama said...

So true