Wednesday, March 26, 2008

All the Blame...none of the credit

There is this little phenomem in life where holding to personal boundaries gets you all of the blame for standing firm and disappointing others, while at the very same time gets you shorted for the credit of honoring a relationship's natural roots by respecting it enough to speak up when imbalance is present.

I hit this all of the time in my role as mom. My kids hate firm boundaries, but they fail to recognize that the boundaries become firm as they grow and learn more control of themselves and their behavior. When I feel this occuring in the transitional periods of parenting, it totally makes sense to me. Of course they don't have the perspective of an adult where they can correlate the firming boundaries to the fact that I actually am trusting them more to be in charge of themselves.

When the phenomen happens in other relationships I am surprise and sometimes I feel anger. It is hard to disappoint others when I don't meets someone's ideal of what I should do or be However I choose my priorities and I am really trusting a relationship when I say, "Hey, this is the nature of our relationship, this is the reality of life circumstances, please just respect the reality." Sometimes the response to the laying boundaries is that I get all of the blame for pointing out the natural boundary lines and yet at the very same time I get none of the credit for th amount of love, trust and courage that is required to hold that truth up to another.

Oh well, it is still my job to hold true to my matter how that is perceived and responded to.

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