Thursday, April 10, 2008

Thursday Thoughts- Simple vs. Easy


Reality: Relationship is a core dynamic of our nature. Relationship with other people is difficult. We all need relationship to grow and thrive in this world. Relationship is wonderful and wonderfully frightening all at once.

Simple: When it is working well, two or more people come together, to connect in meaningful ways. Each knowing themselves and where they are in the world while being open to the changes that a relationship will bring to them.

Easy: Well, I am totally biased on this, but I think that when we talk about relationship in the context of easiness, then we are already in really big trouble, because by nature, relationship takes real hard work...most of the time.

So here it is the lesson on this in my life recently... when I am seeking the easy way to relate, I am going to be in a mess of trouble emotionally speaking. I am feeling the consequences of that in many areas all at once. If you've seen the movie Runaway Bride, the journalist who was tracking the past of the fourth attempt bride, would always ask the thwarted groom how the bride liked her eggs. And every time the groom's answer would be the same..."she likes them the same way I do..." At the end of the movie, as her internal world was finally catching up to her understanding of her behavior, she sits down at a table with several different egg dishes prepared in many ways. She sat there and tasted each one so that she could discover which way she liked her eggs. Rather than blending into someone elses idea of who she should be, she decided to discover who she really is.

I am sitting at that table right now. I am having to re evaluate how I want to be in the world and that can make things uncomfortable in my relationships. I want my relationships to be more simple. Simply connected, simply appropriate, simply deliniated. I no longer want to take the easy way out, in order to avoid conflict. That complicates simplicity very quickly. I have failed miserably in relationship over the years, and I have also had many successes, and I am constantly evolving, and this is a part of my evolution now.

So, here are my questions for you... should relationship be both simple and easy? How can simplicity be encouraged in a relational setting? What dynamics work for you? What pitfalls to you find?


Becca said...

I don't think relationships can be either simple or easy. That would only be possible if humans weren't involved. However, I think relationships can strive to be simpler and easier. Especially if both sides of a relationship crave simplicity and ease.

I also think relationships ebb and flow. Moments of simplicity and/or ease are there at times as are moments of chaos and complexity.

The main pitfalls I see are human nature and the world that surrounds us.

Poetic Mama said...

Ooo... I like. Especially the part about relationships ebbbing and flowing. I was uncomfortable with how simplistic I was sounding. Sometime relationship is very comfortable and that is good. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable, especially in times of transition, and that is important too.

You... Your good. ;-)

joyous melancholy said...

I started a new book last night, and part of one of the character descriptions reminded me of this post. I had to come back to it to share:

"He had lived with the immediacy of a Zen master in an ever-present now, viewing the world through the artless eyes of a child, seeing, rather than looking. Which wasn't to say he was simple -- or at least not in a perjorative sense. Instead, he resisted complications, refused to be drawn into their snare. 'When you undersand how everything in the world connects to everything else,' he told me once, 'you have little patience for more divisive points of view.'"

This strikes me as a good balance to have in relationship. It doesn't have to be easy, or even necessarily simple. But once we realize how we're all connected, how we are all in relationship with each other, how what we do and say and how we act affects everything around us, it opens the way for us to dismiss divisiveness and embrace authenticity in ourselves and others, wholeness in relationship.

Of course, it takes both parties reaching this point to acheive this. All we can each control is how we approach the issue. That's what complicates things, IMHO. I have no control over how anyone else perceives or interacts with our relationship.

Which leads us right back to what Becca said: The main pitfalls I see are human nature and the world that surrounds us.

Still, I think it's something worth striving towards.

Poetic Mama said...

Great quote... thanks for coming back and sharing that with me. I just love collaboration!