Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Drama does not make the world go around!!!

This has been a year for me and mine... and me and mine specialize in drama. So needless to say, it has been a very messy year. Drama spreads so quickly and distorts everything it touches; and though I knew enough to understand that I was swept up in the drama of life, I did not yet understand how to resist it.

I guess that has been my task this year... to learn how to live in my life without letting my life have a life of it’s own. So to speak!

One of the few spaces in my life that managed to escape the drama has been this blog... and I am so glad I kept this space free of the chaos. Some people do not like to read what I write about in this space... and I’m very certain they will continue to be annoyed. To them I say, “Don’t read it”. This is a space where life according to me gets posted... I don’t require you read it, like it, or agree with it. For those of you who are sticking it out with me... thank you. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for your patience.

I have learned enough to know not to promise when the next post will come... but I do hope to settle in this space again very soon. Writing is a lifeline for me. Blogging is unique because it is in real time, and yet still not in real life. It is a hybrid form of communication for me... and I do so love the blogging world!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Christmas Joy

I was not expecting a peaceful and joyful Christmas season this year... and yet I was given this amazing dose of grace. It was just in time for my soul. I may go into the journey my heart has been on this past year... or I may not. This space is awesome... both public and mine, but not all things are meant for this space, so we'll see. I do hope you had a great holiday! Happy New Year!!!




Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Adoption



I am one of the luckiest women in the world...I have an amazing friend that has been in my life for almost 30 years... as we met on the kindergarten playground way back when. Her and her very awesome husband have two beautiful bio children and are waiting on assignment for two more beautiful children from Ethopia... she shared this video on her blog this weekend and I wanted to pass it along a bit more.

I have a heart for adoption and know that the Lord has placed it on my heart for a reason. Someday I want to welcome a child into my heart and home, but that season has not come just yet for me... so I want to help support friends in their process of adoption. Two friends have recently welcomed home their heart babies and I am joyful with them... and I continue to walk with the friends who are still waiting!!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

I Didn't Know My Own Strength- R. Kelly

Performed by Whitney Houston
Written by R. Kelly

Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me
I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to,
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me
I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Ahhh.... Summertime


Swinging...b&w play
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

I have been neglecting this space for some time and now that it is summer, I just had to share this. I just love swinging!!! And I just love this little girl!!! Little miss C, it was great to spend the day playing with you and all of the others!

We had a wonderful Fourth of July relaxing with friends that I consider my family. Eight kids, three couples and a great park by a reservoir... what more can one ask for!

I do hope your fourth was a celebration of freedom!!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Soul Quakes... Part II

So Tori's words of honesty about how she feels the church in this age really resonated with me. I too see the very same problem that she sees, and yet I have a very different internal response to the reality of our times. Rather than stopping at the assessment, my soul yearns for a community where the "compassionate path of Christ" is truly what the people who participate are about. And to find that community, I have to be that sort of believer. I too was raised the church, so I've seen the same darkness Tori touches on. But I have also seen a light that burns deep into the core of me and I am a changed person because of the love some have offered me in the name of Christ.

It is a dicotomy that is so very hard to hold onto, but for me I choose to rest in the dicotomy that we humans are indeed capable of such darkness, but we are also quite capable of amazing acts of love and kindness as well. I do know that Tori believes that too and my voice joins her as she points out that we need to be paying attention to our own internal processes, emotions, and choices so that we are able to be an energy for light... not for darkness.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Soul Quakes...

I can't believe I haven't had much of a chance to absorb Tori's newest artistic installment, but alas, I am finally breathing long enough to let her music come into my soul. I am feeling myself very curious and drawn into many of her new songs, in a way that I have not felt for many years... maybe since From The Choir Girl Hotel...

So I was surfing her SITE tonight and came across this... in her own words:

"I'm a minister's daughter. The power of the church is insidious, and it permeates everything," Amos explained. "A lot of what the Church discusses is not about the compassionate path of Christ, it's about what kind of lifestyle is acceptable and approved of by the Church when god knows what they're doing behind closed doors. You have a lot of people waking up every morning who feel paralyzed to act because of these judgments. All around us people are not only experiencing physical bondage but emotional and mental bondage behind perfectly groomed lawns. Inside acceptable addresses the definition of bondage is perversely explored with those we know only too well."

Amen Tori Amos

June Bargains...


So I have been quite busy setting up my very own commerce site for Close To My Heart and it is finally live!!! Just in time for my friends and family to participate in some great bargains. Every day in the month of June the corporate office will be posting a daily special that will offer discounted and sometimes even free product with a purchase. The deals will only be available online, so you don't want to miss out! You will want to join me in checking the site every day for the deal of the day.

Here's my Site...
Jannean.myctmh.com

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

What are we doing?- My thoughts on Jon and Katie Plus 8

I'll be the first to admit that I have read the People article about the Gosselins, and I watched the show a couple of seasons ago, but we need to remember this is a family not an entertainment show. When I watched, it was mostly to make myself feel better for my own chaos and shortcomings, and that my friends is exploitation.

We now have a family that is struggling, chased by Paparazzi, and even young Americans doing video diaries of the reality of divorce. Divorce is traumatic for the children involved, are we now going to drag innocent bystanders (tv viewers) through this kind of mess?

I am so sad. So sad for Jon and Kate. So sad for those precious 8 children. So sad for their friends and family. And especially so sad about what this situation exposes for us all. This is the deep darkness that is pulling our culture down.

The things that hurt in my life, the ways in which I find myself destructive, and the dark areas that are deeply ingrained in my marriage and parenting... are the same things that a nation is gawking at in this family. I do know that this family invited the eyes of America into their lives and homes, but we have collectively taken way more than they wanted to give.

It has to stop... or at least stop being considered entertainment.

Friday, May 8, 2009

A week of catch up

This has turned out to be a week of catch up for my family, and I am grateful for the opportunity to get things back in order. I am also grateful for the morning phone call from a friend that ended with us making a park date for the kids this afternoon. Our friends are going away for a bit, so I am glad to have some time to catch up before they leave. It has been a tough time for both of our families and it will be good for the soul to play together for a bit! It is such poetic simplicity when a friend calls just when you need something to look forward to.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Moments of Clarity


A restful moment
Originally uploaded by poetic mama


Life offers us little moments of clarity. Times when we get to see a little more of our internal core. This has been a year of some important moments for me. Years like this happen. The last time I went around this block, my family had a couple of deaths, a couple of serious heart issues, cancer, and depression. All in one calendar year.

This year has not been one of those years, and I am grateful for that. This year has had it's challenges though... job loss, relational strains, injury, etc. And yet, again I am reminded that is not by my strength that I journey through this life. I am carried by one much bigger than me and I have friends and family who surround me and help me remember that truth in those dark moments.

I am so very human... and I am grateful for the precious gift of that humanity. Even in the moments of clarity.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Sometimes Poetic Simplicity is....

... really just code for poetic chaos. In the past two-ish weeks, two of the kids had the stomach flu and the other one is currently battling Tonsillitis. Mix that with Easter, spring break, photography classes, a photo shoot and scrapbooking club prep. Not to mention all of the normal duties for MOPS, MOMS Club, Paws on Art for ds's school and the rest of life, and what you get is one tired momma. Sorry for the blogging hiatus, but hopefully it will be back to the regular programming around here again.

In the midst of the chaos, some amazing things are unfolding in my heart and in my life and I am ending Resurrection Day with a heart of deep gratitude and peace. It is amazing thing that when chaos rains down, there comes with it a huge opportunity to slow down and find the a place to rest.

I hope your day was filled with a little bit of simplicity!

Friday, March 6, 2009

"I Made This Mommy!!!"

So as I was bustling around the house this morning, doing all of my "really important tasks", my toddler was doing something quite amazing. From two rooms away I heard my Bubbas squeal with joy and call for me. He came running in saying, "Mommy, mommy, I made this. Come see." and he led me by the hand to show me his creation.

And all of my busyness stood still. I saw that my toddler had built a tower, and then two towers and then three towers, and then he proclaimed it finished. He made a castle!!! And I almost missed this amazing little milestone, but gratefully my little Bubbas is securely attached andso he knew to seek me out. He knew his momma has a heart for him and a heart for creation. I was not looking, but he made me see.

Thank you Bubbas!





Thursday, March 5, 2009

Finished Knitting


Finished Knitting
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

So I have been battling with some tendon issues and have not been able to knit regularly and I have been missing it. So my sil found me a loom to work on projects until I can have needles back in my hands! Thx Heather! This is my first project with a long loom and it went fast. I have this new yummy scarf for our trip to Virginia next week!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Happy Birthday Bubbas


Happy Birthday Bubbas
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

My little Bubbas' is a wonderful surprise package!!! I just love that he decides where and when he is going, and he just makes things happen. He is the sweetest little toddler I ever did meet and I am so lucky to be his mommy.

Two years ago right now, I was trying my hardest to keep him baking a bit longer in my womb, but he was bound and determined to jump into my arms and we have been together ever since.

Thank you much for the little bit of peace and the little bit of mischief that you bring to our home and family. You are an amazing little boy full of laughter and compassion, full of wonder and determination. Our clan is immeasurably blessed by you my sweet soul.

Happy Birthday!!!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Window seat


Window seat
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

My little girl is always full of surprises. Yesterday's surprise was me finding her napping on her toy box under neath her bedroom window. The toy box is 12'" wide and 24" long... and she found a way to get a small pillow and two blankets with her. I so wish I saw the world the way she does. Lucky for me, I get to watch her interact with the world... and it brings me much joy!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Creativity Flowing


Watercolor with Kinders....
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

Last week was a bit of a creative whirlwind, with my new scrapbooking gig, a craft circle at my house, some handstamped cards for a friends adoption efforts, and of course teaching art to kinders at Boo's school.

I am not a painter. I am not good at it, I don't like it. I don't even like the mess it creates. It's just not the artform for me, at least not usually. But when 20 five and six year olds are put into the mix, apparently I love it.

This was a great technique, using maskoid, water color and kosher salt. Gotta love it!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I need...

To give myself more sleep. Really.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Learning How To Keep It Simple

Our family is in a place of slowing things way down and getting back to the basics. Kids have a wonderful way of pushing a whole family system towards a more honest living. And I just love that. Right now we are are learning how to say...

I feel angry...


I feel sad...


I feel silly...


I feel happy...


So many of us lose the ability to identify how we are feeling in the moment. For me it was almost like I lost that with my childhood... like I was conditioned out of being able to hear my own voice of experience. I have finally re-learned how to quickly check in with myself and know how I am feeling. Now I'm on to the task of being gentle with however I actually am feeling and learning how to express my emotion appropriately and simply.

Hopefully, I can help protect that simplicity for my children... that as they have to let go of their childhood, they will not have to let go of themselves too.

(Thanks Baby J for your great modeling work... you are awesome!)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's Gifts


Valentine's Gifts
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

These are the mail boxes for the kids. I used Daydream Paper and Stickease, and Stardust Paper and Stickease from CTMH. What a fun project!

Valentine's Gifts


Valentine's Gifts
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

Shhh... gifts for the grandparents! I just had to join the band wagon when I found these at my local Target. I used Close To My Heart Paper and Stamps- specifically the That's Amore! line. And of course the Target dollar bin tin mail boxes. =)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

A Six Year Old Sleeps


A Six Year Old Sleeps
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

Lucky for me this six year old sleeps with a lamp right next to him... otherwise I would not have been able to get such a clear picture. I love to watch them when they sleep!

Monday, February 9, 2009

An Amazing Weekend

So, I was all set to come back here on Monday morning and share all about what a wonderful weekend it was for me at my launch Open House for Close To My Heart ... but now that I am here I want to share about much more. I'm sure there will be a play by play of my table display and sample project a little later, but for tonight I want to chat about something bigger.

This was a truly amazing weekend in so many ways for me and I feel so blessed to come to this place of being right where I am supposed to be in my life. I am more in the center of my calling today than I ever was when I was in church ministry... and that's not because church ministry is not worthy of calling, because it most definitely is. As I am evolving though, I now see why I thought of my calling to be vocational ministry and I understand how that belief was not the best design for my life in this season. (But that is it's own post)

This is why I had an amazing weekend:

A new friend started this awesome glass mural for me... he is so in the family btw! I already love you Rob!


My whole family had a light saber duel in our front yard on Sunday... yes we have enough sabers for 5. And tell me how cute this little one is. Did I mention Bubbas parents are basically idealistic pacifists... but when it comes to Star Wars we lose all sense of moral barrings?


The five of us spent an hour in the newly finished garage art studio, stamping, and sewing. Boo stamped an inventor machine that creates anything you want... which he decided to create light sabers, which is why we have so many! *wink* And Baby J has been working on the little purse hand sewing project for a couple of weeks now and she was able to finish it with alittle help from mama! When they were finished with their creations they decided to have an art show... performance art style. I love the creativity flowing in our family.



But most of all I was reminded this weekend that my family and I are surrounded by friends and family who are so good to us and we love sharing our lives with them too. It was great to see six kids huddled around my kitchen table eating pizza and having my nephew over and reconnecting with friends from my past around my dining room table. I love my life... a truly blessed life I have!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I love me a good story


Cousins Playing
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

I've had people mock me for loving country music. You can hardly blame them... I'm a greek girl from a SoCal beach city. But here's the truth, I love the process of telling a good story and the good artists in country music understand that artform well. So I blasted me some old Garth Brooks this morning and it helped connect me with my own story... a good way to start a day. When I am connected with my story I have a greater capacity to be mindful of others and to be gracious and humble in my daily travels. May you find connection with your story today!

Can they add this feature to Blogger too?

This article just cracks me up... mostly because the new feature mentioned will probably prove to be quite useful.

Check it out

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Some Exciting new things....


So beginning this weekend, and I am going to be a consultant for Close To My Heart and I am so excited to share this awesome new venture here. I have been a scrapbooker for almost 12 years and I was a stamper before that. This company combines both of these wonderful artforms and I love the product! I am going to host a monthly scrapbooking club in my home which will be so fun. I'm also going to open an etsy store to sell some of my own artwork probably in the spring time. When I have that up I'll definitely announce it here!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

2, 4, 6...

Interesting times in my household they be. With a 2, 4, and 6 year old, boundary *exploring* is around ever corner and in every parent child interaction. On my good days I try and remember that this is a sign of healthy developement and I try to roll with it. On my bad days I do a lot of deep breathing and I remind myself through gritted teeth that this is a sign of healthy developement. Lucky for me I wear my Wonder Woman wristbands of grace and truth. And lucky for my kids, I found help from:
Henry Cloud and John Townsend and Sandy McDaniel

Today was a bad day. But totally manageable because in the end they had to deal with their own consequences. I held the line when Boo left his backpack at home, realizing it upon getting to school. He made it back to school before the bell rang, but he had no time to play. Boy did he whine... but I bet he'll never forget again... at least for a couple of weeks.

And Baby J, she and Bubbas decided that screaming was totally acceptable in my car after being reminded of our rules. I pulled off the road a couple of times ad she didn't get much time at d-land today. She'll do it again, but it might be a little while, one hopes. Only getting one ride was a cramp in her plans for the day.

Boo, he hates consequences and hates being near the no... a scar from being the first born of a perfectionist momma, mixed with the reality that he's also hard wired that way. Baby J though, she lives on the edges of the boundaries... she's not always defiant, but she loves to feel exactly where the freedom ends and the no begins.

Watching them handle boundaries gives me a huge gift of insight for myself.

Monday, February 2, 2009

While I've been silent

I now understand a part of what this bout of writers block has been for me and I want to share here because it is directly related to this blog. For many years now I have read blogs written by women who inspire me. Every morning after the normal rush to get kids to school, I come home and take a bit to read about the adventures and creations of women all over the country, and now even the world. I would read and be inspired, read and be encouraged, and yes I would also read and be envious of their lives. That was really the beginning to my path of blogging, but I found myself feeling like a poser sometimes. My blog is my voice, absolutely, but I'm still finding that voice and so the last few months has been a time of listening, not blogging.

And now I have found my style, my voice, my way; andso I am ready to share here once more. Thank you for being patient with me as there has been no content for a couple of months. I am confident that what comes next will make up for that. I am in a really great place of creativity right now and I can't wait to share!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Holidays + Birthdays + Writers Block= No New Entries

I had to make a decision of what to put down for a bit, during the holiday/ birthday season. And the blog was one of the things to let rest for a time, because I did not want to hit the emotional wall I hit last year around this time.

Add to it that I have been struggling with a block and so now I am finding it hard to settle back into this space. I am leaning into this block, because I have learned that a block signifies a shift in writing skills and/or style, so when I am able I will update again. Hopefully I can get some pictures of Christmas creations up here this week.