Thursday, October 7, 2010

Blessing of Stillness

I had the most awesome experience of stillness this weekend, and in the midst of such a scene as a wedding.  I was asked to photograph a friend's wedding, just one day before my own 12 anniversary, and that timing is everything.  While I was at the reception I was so blessed to sit around the table with some friends that have had a huge significance in my life.

One is a young man who was the ring bearer in my wedding...and one of the greatest young men out there.  I walked with this kid through some very difficult times in his childhood and though I left the community where he worshipped, he still felt safe enough to be real with me Saturday... and he has become an amazing guy!  Another was the woman I reached out to after I gave birth to my second child and struggled with postpartum depression.  She helped me step into MOPS and through that decision the Lord has helped piece my heart back together through the women in my MOPS experience.

I also sat with a husband and wife who have always shown me such kindness, love, and true sacrificial living.  They give and love oh so well, and they have always been a huge encouragement to me... especially in times when I have struggled through grieving what happened to me through the church community during my own childhood, and then later as I was an adult in that place.  And then there is the brother... a man that has always kept me grounded.  He loves big and he has always been looking out for me like a little sister.  He reminds me not to take myself so seriously, and he has always been a safe place for me.

These friends are like family to me.  The bride let me walk along side of her on a very important day, and it became an important day for me too.  I am so grateful for that.  I was given a huge gift of remembering this weekend.

When I hit crisis in my life I chose to leave a community that meant so much to me.  I do not regret that decision, because I needed to do some work that required I did not have to put myself through worshipping amongst several people who abused me in a place that was laced with negative experiences.  Yet I grieved being able to see these amazing people on a weekly basis.  These friends have let me into their lives, and have been in my life.  I know them and they know me and it has always been a good thing.  To be known and still be loved is awesome... to know and to love is even better.

Thank you to my Jones family...God has blessed me tremendously through the years because of  your presence in my life.  And I pray for a rich and full life for the bride and the groom!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

An oldie


When I took this picture of my bubbas, I knew I was eternally hooked on the art of photography. I thought this image was corrupted, but just stumbled upon a back up a couple weeks ago. In the picture, Bubbas was just walking and I had just purchased my dslr. This was one of the first pics taken in manual mode. What a sweet gift of stillness this picture brings to me right now.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Along the Road




This space has been around for quite some time and it has been a place of refuge for me as I have journeyed through life in recent years. In this past year however I have avoided it like it was dangerous, and only in the past few weeks have understood that fear.

When I began to blog I named this place of mine "Poetic Chaos" and it was a perfect description of the way I was experiencing the world, relationship, parenting, marriage, and frankly it really captured the experience of residing inside of my own head, heart and soul. Needless to say, I was struggling... with everything. During that time I poured out my perspective of the world and dug out a little niche that made it easier for me to gain the strength to reign in the chaos.

Then about two-ish years ago I moved into a new stage where a better description of my life experience was "Poetic Simplicity". It coincided with a huge internal shift towards letting the light wash over me and my world view. Deep, deep healing had begun and I was seeking the simple in life. Love, joy, beauty, truth. Simple truth is so difficult to actually live in though, so like most times in my life, I wrote about the sort of life I wanted to grow into... not exactly the sort of life that I was mired it presently. That is when I began to back away from this blog. From myself. It is so much easier to pretend that life is simple, than to actually grow up a maturity and discipline to really embrace a simple life.

Out of that season I have wrestled with most everything inside of me and I have found the things I need for my journey into "Poetic Stillness". I am going to state this disclaimer right up front... I do not have the art of stillness mastered, but I want to grow into that discipline. Simplicity seems like an essential ingredient for stillness... and so I am not just re-naming my blog again... I am moving my exploration of the art of simplicity to a Photo Blog. Take a look if you'd like. I am hoping that stillness will draw me back into this space. It is a sort of home for me!

I cannot help but add one of my favorite lyrics to a blog post about journey. I love it and I hope you do too:


Along The Road
Joy at the start
Fear in the journey
Joy in the coming home
A part of the heart
Gets lost in the learning
Somewhere along the road.

Along the road
Your path may wander
A pilgrim’s faith may fail
Absence makes the heart grow stronger
Darkness obscures the trail.

Cursing the quest
Courting disaster
Measureless nights forebode
Moments of rest
Glimpses of laughter
Are treasured along the road.

Along the road
Your steps may tumble
Your thoughts may start to stray
But through it all a heart held humble
Levels and lights your way.

Joy at the start
Fear in the journey
Joy in the coming home
A part of the heart
Gets lost in the learning
Somewhere along the road
Somewhere along the road
Somewhere along the road.


Friday, June 11, 2010

My Idea of a Leisurely Read...

I just finished an excellent book that was recommended to me by my dear friend from childhood... a kindred spirit in my journey of life. The book is titled "When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women From 1960 To The Present" and was written by Gail Collins. Check it Out!

I want to touch on a few issues close to my heart, but the thoughts are still forming. After the read though, I found myself much better educated on the Women's Movement in the 20th century and even more grateful for having lived with many benefits of the progress. I also found myself confident that my daughter already has most of the same opportunities as her brothers... a huge sign of progress.

Culture is making a shift and the history of the Women's Movement has once more become object of slander, folklore, and people speak of it as a done deal. What is frightening to me is that when we don't understand our history, we set ourselves up for repeating it. I have to think about equipping my daughter to be wonderfully feminine in a post Women's Movement Era; much like I have to be mindful of raising up children in a faith with protective absolutes during a Postmodern Era, where truth is relative.

Anyway, I highly recommend this book if you love a woman, or girl. It will be worth the read.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Impromptu Photoshoot


When my 5 year old came out of her room in this outfit, wanting me to do a video of her dancing... I raced for my camera. Baby J never wants to take pics for me, so I needed to act fast. This was so much fun!!!
Baby J-7

Baby J-6
Baby J-8
Baby J-14
Baby J-13

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Monday, April 19, 2010

Calling

When I was in college attending a christian university, and then later when I chose vocational ministry for my career, a ton of my time was devoted to understanding my calling in this life. I prayed about it, explored it, talked about it, raged against it, denied it, ate, drank and slept it. Just when I really started living in it and trusting God through it, I was called out of the local church and into full time mothering from home.

And to label that next 5 years of desert time maddening, would be quite an understatement. In the midst of the mundane it has been very difficult for me to hold sight of the divine. I have known enough to know that this is my season of desert living. (You know, Moses lived in the desert for decades before leading the exodus of his people out of Egypt... that kind of desert living.) What I have not been able to figure out on my own, is what am I being prepared for? And can I in fact, say no to that next stage of calling if I don't wanna go there.

And in this season, I am seeing every construct I have built to understand, family, wholeness and faith torn down. Obviously my constructs did not align with God's, but in my angst, I asked..."Did all of the constructs I created have to be torn down to the ground... all at the same time?

And for those of you who know me well, the answer I received, will not surprise you in the least. The response I was given has been a resounding..."Yes, my stubborn and tenacious child. You've gotten most everything wrong."

Ouch. But at least in this place of honest living, my heart is open once more to what God has already designed me for. I was reading something my pastor wrote, and I wanted to pass his words along, to those of you that are interested. For those who don't want the whole thing, my take away was this...

"If I am to live into my calling I must remember that I am not what I do. I do what I am."

That's such good news to me right now, because what I do is not even remotely glamorous... and I am reminded of that around every corner in our culture. But I am doing it because I am called to be a nurturer and a healer. And who I was made to be is by design. That makes me so grateful for my creator and I want to give all that I am back to him as a small offering of worship.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Interesting Read

I just stumbled across this article today, and it was interesting to me, so I thought I would share it!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Back Yard O Fun!!!

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...and just so I can prove that Bubbas actually does smile (I've had a spell of capturing his pensive look)...
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Saturday, April 10, 2010

From an engagement shoot

I did an engagement shoot several months ago, and wanted to share this pic!
Newport

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Monday, April 5, 2010

Journey

journey
Originally uploaded by poetic mama

Not a time for words, but yet a time to put one foot in front of the other.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Time to Relax

Relaxing is something I almost forgot how to do, while I was busy working up some drama in my life. But alas, I am finally taming the drama and I'm finally coming down off the adrenaline obsession! This week has been wonderful! The swelling in my elbow has gone down, a constant issue for me since I work so much with my hands. The kink in my neck resolved itself and I am smiling more! So what better time to steal away a weekend of crafting with a favorite friend!!! Who knows, I might even have some writing or photo taking done by the time I get home! Who knows!!!

Monday, January 18, 2010

My Boo

What a ride parenting Boo has been this year!!! We have experienced some extreme highs... and some moderate lows. At the end of year six though, I am so happy to have found an amazing middle ground where Boo's needs are being addressed so that he is now reaching his full potential!

My seven year old is so much fun to hang out with! He loves to read, loves all things Star Wars and Mario Bros., and loves to create by drawing, writing, and painting. This last weekend we had a birthday party at our home and it was so much fun to see him play with his friends and cousins. I feel so blessed to have been given this great gift of this child to protect in my womb and then to bring into this world. And I am even more grateful to get to guide him and parent him as he grows. He is a deep thinker, and always asks amazing questions and shares amazing insights. He is funny... so funny and he cracks me up every single day. He is now really growing in his faith too... and I am loving watch his love for God grow with each day.

I cannot wait to see where this kid is going to go in the next several years. He is so smart, and so sweet, and so driven. I do hope he finds his dreams and goes after those pursuits with all he has. In this next year, I hope to open up his world even more. He has such a hunger for knowledge and creativity, and I want to stoke those embers!

Thank you Boo for another amazing year! I am a very proud momma! I am a better person because I share a home with you. Every day is a gift!!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

My Baby J

My little girl turned five yesterday and I just adore her. She came into this world with a contagious joy and happiness that is amazing. She makes being a mom such a delight... and on some days quite a challenge. She is a girl who knows what she wants and is tenacious and determined enough to get it, and I just admire that so much. She gives her all to everything she does... she plays with soul, shares with a generous spirit, loves unconditionally, stands her ground with determination. She loves Hello Kitty, Littlest Pet Shop and most recently, doing everything with Emily... her brand new American Girl Doll.

She lives in a world with a lot of boys... and yet she loves all things like the girl that she is. She loves to help and can always be found by my side when I am working in the studio or around the house. I love to share life with her and I love to see the world through her eyes, because she brings her own perspective to things. She just adores her own grandma and papou and her grammy and grampy. She loves swimming, karate, and gymnastics. She loves to sing and dance, and she loves art. She's learning how to read and she loves going to school everyday. She loves her friends and her teachers!!!

I am a grateful momma. I was given such a precious gift to be able to carry her, bring her into this world and watch her grow into this amazing little five year old. Thank you Baby J for everything you are and everything you share with us all!!! Happy Birthday my sweet girl!!!