Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Christmas Joy

I didn't mean to do this but it captured my sweet girls face the moment her Christmas dream was realized.  Santa magic is still in full effect in our household and I so love that.  And for the record... the three days it took to put that d*** playmobile schoolhouse together, was so worth it in this one moment of a lifetime!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


...It was taken from me 
I won’t it let be taken from you
Voice is your birthright 
I have mine back
So I won’t usurp yours
Squeal with delight
Cry out in anguish
Sigh with limitation
Raise up with complaint
You will not meet deaf ear
For I am attuned to your presence sweet one...

I wrote this a bit ago... but today I might need to practice this as mantra.  I obviously did not write this when any of my kids were 4.  It is so hard to be 4...old enough to verbally express the range of emotion you feel without the maturity to have as much self control as the world is asking of you.  That's what I am here for... to help them through big emotions...but it would be really helpful for me to practice a greater level of self control than he does.  And that is where grace steps in and boy am I grateful, because 4 year olds can test every last nerve of mine.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Happy Birthday Cousin B... we love you!

There is nothing better than a bouncy slide for a 8 year old's birthday party!  Look at that smile!

 Nothing but pure joy...

Auntie (not me, I'm officially a 2nd cousin) made this awesome cake... He loved it!

And the hit of the day... lots of gifts, yes... but especially this card.  Who knew?  I know... the person who picked it out!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Some Crafting fun

It's that time of the year again!  I love to celebrate school time and learning!  And thanks to Pinterest... I have a whole new dimension of inspiration.  So here is a bit of what I am up to these days...

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Full Circle

Sometimes you just need to go on a big circular journey, so you can fully understand and then lean into what home gives freely.  A safe landing when pride knocks you down.  A deep reminder of who you are and a recording of who you were created to be the time before the dream stealing began.  A sense that you are fine... exactly as you are...human and all.  I am oh so grateful for the full circles in my life.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Operation 'Hang Out Home"

So if you can believe it, my kiddos are 4, 6, and 8 now...crazy but true!  And I have felt this transition for a bit now, but we are officially in the space of friends taking a more center stage in the growth and focus of my kids lives.  I feel myself squarely in the movement from the center of their universe towards becoming the captain of their cheerleading team.  Dh and I are still most definitely the foundation of their world...with some help from the Cornerstone, yet they are beginning to move along on their own paths.  Gracefully, I get to journey alongside them!

Now is a time for a huge strategy shift though.  I want my kids to grow friendships and learn how to cope in the social world... but I do not want to leave them to fend for themselves.  They are already made for relationship and each of them have a strong and secure attachment base... so now it is time to make their home the place for all of the kids to be.  I am already a kid person, so this is as natural as breathing for me.  A few good (and sometimes nutrious) snacks, fun activities and snap... Operation Hang Out Haven is underway.

I want my home to be a safe zone for my kids and anyone they want to host.  I want this to be a space where kindness is required and everyone is safe- mind, body, and soul.  I want to know my kids friends. I want to watch my kids interact and see where they are in their understanding of boundaries and kindness, especially when they are less aware of me observing.

Years ago, I was placed in a situation where I needed to make a judgement call for a child's well being.  I have carried a deep doubt ever since about whether I chose well for that child and for that family.  It was hard to be placed in a space of discerning family dynamics for someone else.  Then last year I found myself in a very similar position, only it was my family and I was needing to intervene for myself and mine.  And now I understand myself better, because at least I am consistent.  I have a passion for helping children stay safe... and even when it is me or mine that needs intervention I will answer that call.

And so, I am so grateful for the gift set I have been given.  May some simplicity, honesty, and stillness create in me the space to be a haven for others.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

In the little things

I have been reminded many times recently how time has marched on without me really even realizing it.  My world has changed and things are more settled, because I am more settled.  That and my kids are all out of that 0-3 range of unending physical needs.  I am a much better mother in this age because their needs are far more emotional and social... and I have done my work and feel prepared to walk this part of the parenting journey with them.  And so today I want to give thanks for the little things.

* A quiet home and a warm cup of coffee.
* Music that stirs my soul- today it is Jennifer Knapps newest installment.
* Good poetry.
* The time to work with my creativity.  Up today, baby pictures, and hopefully some scrapbooking for my family.
* The birds that are chirping outside my dining room window.

I dreamed this life four years ago, while I was in the mire of diapers to the third degree, sleepless nights, and relational absence.  I hoped to one day feel deeply connected to the wonderful people in my life, to have time for quiet, and I dreamed of having a studio and lifestyle that integrated my art with my life in a way that was streamlined and organic.

I now live that life, and I am so grateful, for I deeply respect the grace and hard work that allowed me to find this place of stillness.

Monday, May 23, 2011

The thing about stillness

So here's the thing.  When I pause long enough to be still, I feel my life in much deeper ways.  What is and isn't working comes to the surface in a way that feels very overwhelming at first... but then it starts to become more freeing the more I work within the stillness.  

When I was busying myself and creating distraction, I was hoping to avoid a few unpleasant things.  I was afraid to acknowledge my past, take responsibility for my mistakes and ultimately I was attempting to restrain my enragement, both self and others directed.  Instead of accomplishing that, I merely depleted my internal and external resources, made more bad choices and sacrificed my personal integrity. Yet I learned through it, so in the end, it is what it is and I can rest in the stillness of the postlude of that twisted endeavor.  The personal lessons I have gained are priceless and well worth the pain of growth.  

1.  I am my own best advocate and protector.  I can deeply trust my insight and my ability to live my life the way I choose.

2.  The illusion of stability, equality, and well adjustment is not nearly as important as actually living within stable, equitable, and kind relationships.  I will not need another go around with that truth to internalize that lesson, thank you very much.

3.  I have learned to tolerate my own humanity more with each and every day.  I respect my human nature in a much deeper way, and have found a deeper grace for others' human nature as well.  And out of that I am able to love others more fully.

4.  I have learned that when someone shows you their dark side, it is important to respect it and still not fear it.  I have learned a huge value in letting go of relationships that feel aggressive, even if the aggression is not immediately detectable.  When someone bares their teeth emotionally, that gives me extremely important information.  What they do with my feedback about such aggression, tells me all I need to know in order to assess the relationship.  And on the flip side of that, I already know the depth of my capability to be aggressive, so when those juices get stirred in me, it is time to stop and pay close attention.

I'm sure there is more that I have learned, but that is a good stopping place for today.  I need to go and enjoy the stillness.  May you find a moment of stillness too.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Spring Break in the Snow

...the way a family vacation should be...