Monday, December 31, 2012

A Heart Full of Gratitude



I write because I have breath.  I cannot not write...but being able to bring an idea into fruition has been a series of frustrations over the course of the last several years.  It started right about the time I went from full time ministry to *part time*, when I was attempting to shift time towards doing this thing that is like breath for me.  The pressure of making that desire known and official mixed with the news of a baby on the way created a creative block that would take years to loosen up.  In the next several years 2 more babies came and I was busy loving on my wee ones.  I dreamed that someday they would all wipe their own bums and noses.  I knew the early years were too precious to miss, so my writing needed a backseat in my life.  Fast forward to now and my kids are mostly self sufficient and their needs are more emotional than physical.  They are all in school full time and I have found myself with more time to devote to the things that bring me joy.  Creativity is my joy...photography, paper crafting, and writing...yes my faithful partner in life, the written word.

2012 was a year of freedom for me in so many ways...at the beginning of this calendar year I had a vision of how I would want my year to go.  I had a dream of feeling content, joyful, and full.  Full of grace, full of love, full of peace.  I had a desire to learn to let go and move forward... to get unstuck in my growth.

Well I can say with confidence that I have birthed such a life in this year.  It did not go down easy, nor did it happen in a way I could have remotely predicted.  As with any birth there was immeasurable pain, but by year's end I am holding firmly in my arms the life I was meant to birth.  I find myself in awe of this birth, knowing that something much bigger than my creativity is at work here.  I am a part of a bigger picture that I still don't full understand but I can't wait to watch it unfold.  I have been touched by a living grace that has healed some very old and deep wounds in my soul.  For that I am filled with joy and gratitude.  I am hopeful of what 2013 will have in store for me and mine.  Happy New Year Everyone!  Be Safe!

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